Hi all,
Hoping to get some thoughts on a tricky dynamic that’s cropping up more and more in our house. With four children now spanning from five to ten years old, we’re really struggling with the concept of ‘fair’ discipline.
A consequence that is meaningful for my 10-year-old (like losing his tablet privileges for an evening) is completely different from what’s appropriate for my 5-year-old for a similar level of misbehaviour (usually a short time-out in a calm space). The issue is that the older children, Beckett and Natalia, are quick to shout “It’s not fair!” when they see a younger sibling receive what they perceive as a much lighter consequence. We’ve tried explaining that ‘fair’ isn’t always ‘the same’, and that consequences are tailored to their age and understanding, but it doesn’t seem to be sinking in.
I feel like we’re constantly defending our decisions to a jury of our own children! It can really undermine the lesson we’re trying to teach in the moment. I’m a big believer in being empathetic to their feelings, but as a realist, I also know we need a system that works without causing a huge family debate every single time.
How do those of you with multiple children across different age groups manage this? Do you have set ‘house rules’ with different consequences by age? I’d love to hear what’s worked for you in getting children to understand that fairness is about what’s right for each person, not what’s identical for everyone.