G’day all, Joan here.
Just thought I’d put my head above the parapet and ask about something that’s been doing the rounds in my mind lately: this ‘gentle parenting’ philosophy. I’m raising my two granddaughters, Bonnie (5) and Jasmine (3), and while I raised my own children and thought I had a fair handle on things, the rulebook seems to have been completely rewritten! Back in my day, it was about clear boundaries, respect for your elders, and a firm but fair ‘no’ meaning no. Now, I read about validating all feelings and never using time-outs, and I’m a bit baffled.
My main question is a practical one. The other day, little Jasmine threw a proper wobbly in the supermarket because I said no to a chocolate bar she saw. My instinct, honed over many years, was a sharp ‘that’s enough’, a swift exit, and a quiet sit on the ‘naughty step’ at home to think about it. But the gentle parenting articles I’ve found would suggest I get down on her level, talk through her deep disappointment about the chocolate, and offer a hug. I understand the kindness in it, I truly do, but my worry is two-fold. Firstly, where is the consequence for the behaviour? Are we teaching them that a big emotional display gets them a lovely, long, focused chat? Secondly, to be blunt, I’m 75. The energy required for these lengthy emotional debriefs over every little thing feels immense.
I want nothing more than for my girls to grow up secure and emotionally intelligent, especially given the rocky start they’ve had. That’s why I’m here asking, not telling. I’m not dismissing this new way, but I need to understand how it works in the real world, for a grandmother on a pension who can’t afford fancy classes and needs to see results. How do you all balance empathy with clear, firm boundaries? Is there a middle ground where a kid can learn their behaviour was not on, without feeling shamed? I’m keen to hear how it works for you, especially when you’re tired and at the end of your tether.