Hi everyone,
I’m hoping to get some perspective from other second-time (or more!) moms. I’m 23 and pregnant with my second, and there’s a nine-year age gap between this baby and my daughter, Aurelia. The experience feels so profoundly different this time around. When I had Aurelia, I was much younger and I feel like I just… went with the flow because I didn’t know what I didn’t know. This time, I’m in a totally different place in life and I find myself trying to plan for every single contingency.
I have spent countless hours researching everything from the pros and cons of different birth positions to creating a detailed postpartum support plan, and even mapping out a ‘gentle’ introduction schedule for Aurelia and the new baby. I’ve read books on hypnobirthing, watched documentaries, and have a multi-page birth preferences document that I keep tweaking. Part of me feels empowered and prepared, like I’m giving myself and my baby the best possible start by being so informed.
But another, very loud part of me is worried that I’m just feeding my own anxiety. Am I setting myself up for disappointment if (or when) things don’t go according to this ‘perfect’ plan? I worry that I’m trying to control something that is fundamentally uncontrollable, and that all this research is just making me more fearful of everything that could go ‘wrong.’ For those who had a second baby after a larger gap, did you find yourself doing this? Did having a detailed plan help you feel more secure during labor, or did it make it harder to adapt when things changed? I would love to hear your experiences.